One last time.

Dear Ryan,
I want so much to talk to you.

But I feel that you have lost all love for our relationship. Ryan, I think about you everyday. My thoughts for you have not and never will change. You don't know the pain I go through when I see you at school or in the store, When I can't say hi to you because I feel as though your mad or upset with me and you think I'm a fake, two-faced, snob that doesn't care about anyone but her self. Well it's quite the opposite. I walk past you not saying anything in fear that I may only make it worse, That because, maybe we're both too prideful to go to one another or we're too scared because we're being watched.

I'll say it one last time, I love you soooo much.

From,

Cali Andrews.

Abandonment.

Dear Emily,

I Can't stop thinking about you. There is never a time in my life where I've regreted knowing you. You are such an amazing person to me. You have made my life So much easier to live, Because right now it's really crappy, and rather lonely. I feel as though everyone has abandoned me and almost can't wait until we leave. And all that does is make me feel like my life was ment for everyone to take out their feelings on me and I'm ment to be a great big target for them to just lash at me. I feel like I'm living a sacrificed life. I wish people knew how much I hate being accused of thing that were never done. It makes my think that I don't have a purpose, and my life is nothing. Nearly all my friends and those I cared for most have abandoned me and stone me with their words. Emily, I wish I lived a life like those in the book of Martyrs. Emily, I used to live such a normal life. Now I feel as though I will never get back to that. I love you for everything that you've done for me and taught me. You will always and forever be my best friend. Though you may also abandon me.

Love always,

Cali Andrews

A letter to The McCallisters

Dear McCallister Family,....

I can not begin to say how truely sorry I am for everything that I have caused in your family. I wish that I could go back and change the past, what I have done, Things could have been a whole lot better if it were not for me. I sometimes feel afraid to even speak to any of you. I am so careful as to what I say so I don't cause even more damage. I do not expect you to forgive me, nor do I deserve a second chance. I only pray that I do not cause your family any more pain.

Sincerely,

Cali Andrews.

Dear Emily.

My dearest Emily,....

I feel as though you are having a difficult time in life, and I feel as though

our friendship is fading ever so slowly.

I don't know how I'll be able to express my thoughts.

Emily if I ever lost you, My life, along with half of my personality,

That you have managed to bring out in me, my so called life would go down hill.

Emily, My love for you grows stronger every day.

Emily, If you ever decide to completely break off our friendship I would one hundred percent understand.

Without you by my side.

There are somethings.....

That time can not mend. Through the dark path that seems to go nowhere, and lead to heights that are impossible to climb, nor possible to achieve. My thoughts for you are never ending as the untameable sea. My heart aches to see pain in your face. For I know what it means to feel left alone, And have noone to go to to tell what and how you feel even though they would never understand. I know the feeling of being lost or just completely abused by the one you love the most. The unstoppable tears that would put the sea to shame flow from my eyes each and every night that I spend alone thinking if they only knew.

I can't stop this fear that I have of just thinking about loving you, and all of a sudden losing you. You say that I need to stand up for myself and keep on fighting for what I want. I can't stand the thought of losing you. I hate seeing you in pain like this. It's still hard to deal with losing you everywhere I go, But I'm trying to do what I can for your sake. I blame myself for everything that has happened.

The chances of us staying together are slim to none, Very limited. I can't stop loving you even after the long talks and warnings that I seem to have everyday with alot of people. Everytime I see you I see someone who deserves a second chance. My heart can not and will not go on beating without you by my side.

Dear Dad.

Dear Dad,

Through out my entire life you've never been there for me, you never told me that you could count on me. I wish more than anything in the world to see you smile at me and tell me how much you appreciate me, But I guess you don't see everything I do for you. If I could ask for something I would ask for you and mom to be happy for at least a month, with out any argueing. I'm soo sick and tired of this criticle stuff, Wanting to move, In my opinion, you really need to start thinking about your family and not the fact that you think it's whats"best" for us. Dad the only thing I can think of when you say you want to move is that you're sick and tired of what you're having to go through at work and just so you know you're not the only one going through trials, the entire family has to deal with these things as well. And right on top of that we have to deal with the blame that you seem to pour down on us. When I see you raining down on mom with anger it rips me and the rest of the family apart. What will it take for you to understand the pain that you're causing this family?

To break a heart.

To Break a heart.....

is a very simple act,

But the process of mending it back

together is probably the hardest,

and longest process a person could

go through after breaking their

loved ones heart.

My heart aches when I'm without you. I feel as though it stopsbeating when were so far away. But when we're beside each other it's as though my thoughts and heart freeze all together. My life is incomplete without you. I constantly think about you it is as though my mind is unfree. My dreams don't seem to have an end. And no matter what happens to us I will never leave you. I will always be with you.

A Letter to Lila

Dear Lila,

I know that you probably never be able to read this, although youll probably never be able to read any of the letters I write to you, I just want you to know that I miss you so dearly. I miss the memories we used to share together. I just wish you were here with me laughing and sharing inside jokes together like old times.

I feel as though we have become quite distant you never call or write or anything. I cant help but wonder....why? Emily told me that you have been talking to her behind my back and writing to her about me and telling her how much you dont like me. Why, What have I done to you Im so confused. How could you just throw our friend ship away like that? What did I ever do to make you well basically....hate me? Lila if I could go back to the past and change what ever it was that I did wrong I would do it in a heart beat.

Lila everything that you and Emily have been talking about is well, just Crud! Lila when I heard about what you and Emily were talking about, Yes I was very confused, angry, upset and I felt very betrayed, but still deep down inside my heart I felt as though I couldnt let you go. My love for you still grows stronger and stronger every day
I love you Lila,
with all my heart
Love, Cali

Thinking of Lila

As I sat on my bed I couldnt help but think of Lila, I wonder what she is doing, I wonder if she is thinking of me. Hmm I dont know. As I sat there I thought to my self "I wish she knew my secrets, the secrets that are the tears within my heart. The tears that fell like rain from my eyes and the love that poured out for you the night we said good-bye. Im sorry I didnt tell you how much you meant to me but I didnt want to think about the thought of you leaving you are my best friend and now I will never have the chance to go back and say what needed to have been said. You have opened my eyes to what I needed to see not to what had wanted to see.

I am so afraid of loosing you. Just the thought of loosing you is like never being able to breath. To loose you would break my heart into a thousand pieces, My life wouldnt have a meaning to it.

I will be your Dream Maker

There was a time in life where I couldnt imagine spending my life with just one person. Now I cant imagine life without you.

Anywhere where shadows grow I will be there to be your light. When doubt comes your way I will be your hope, through the trials of your life that you live I will be by your side till the end of the dark that you cant seem to find.

Though your life may be at stake, and though you think your dreams ar forever gone, I will be you dream maker. I will stand by your side when danger is near. To hold your hand when you feel your falling, to fill the empty holes in your heart. Though you may think these things, I will be with you always. Your forever in my heart.

If there was ever a fear that I have to overcome, you have taught me to face that fear and look at it as if you were right beside me, holding my hand, telling me everything is going to be okay. Not my fear nor my fait will stop me from loving you.

Saying Good-Bye.

Well bare with me, I havent written for a very long time. Well so far a lot has been happening since Lila left, and it was very difficult to get over the fact that shes gone. I hate it that I cant talk with her as much as I did. People tell me quite often to just let her go, but its very hard to let go of a person that has filled so many holes in my heart. It really hit me hard when Lila left, but I've gotten better since then.

My intensions of writing my story is not for the sake of writing, but because I guess there are things that are even unwritten people dont understand of what was and what is.

How can you pick up the peices from the past? The pieces that you threw away without the thought of going back. All of the things from your past that were expected became the unexpected to the future which is now the "past". Now that it is "present" you look back and see that the unexpected future(which is the past) was probably the most beautiful thing that anyone could ever imagine. That is one of the most precious things in life that most people are blind of when it comes to thier "past", Seeing their past that was given to them.